I didn’t think I would need to make a post for the second week, I guess I assumed things would be close to normal or the same for the rest of my recovery, but instead I have realized this week just how much has changed inside my body.
At my post op appointment, I told my doctor about the little bit of bleeding I was having, assuming it was abnormal because I hadn’t been bleeding since the first day, and also about the pain I was having in my right side. She said it was possibly a hematoma, and that it was good the blood was coming out. Everything looked good and she suggested that I need another week off of work. Going out that day wore me out, and I had to nap shortly after coming home. It was the first time I had driven and it was very uncomfortable.
I think it would be easier to break down the recovery process for me since then into two parts: Emotional and Physical
The first week, I was on pain meds so I didn’t really feel much of anything except fatigue. Starting last week, I got very depressed and emotional. I feel guilty for letting people down who rely on me, like a disappointment to people I care about. I was lonely…my daughter and granddaughter moved out the weekend before my surgery, so it has been so quiet and lonely at home with my husband at work. I don’t want company, but I miss the chaos that a 3 year old brings to every day life. I’m dealing with empty nest AND missing reproductive organs…the organs that brought about my family and was the essence of my womanhood. Yes, I am happy to have had the surgery and look forward to the pain free days to come. Maybe it is hormonal. I have read that sometimes having an ovary removed can cause the other ovary to glitch for awhile, so maybe that is the cause of all my emotional issues.
I have realized that I tend to bleed when I overdo it in any way, although I don’t mean to overdo it. In a rush to heal and get back to work, I decided to try to make things more normal and go grocery shopping with my husband. It started out well, but by the end I was exhausted. Later, my daughter and granddaughter came for dinner, so I cooked and played and thought I was being careful. After they left, I could tell I had pushed it too far. I bled all night and then felt so fatigued the next day.
Most of my pain is in my hips and lower back. My incisions don’t hurt at all, never have. I have a lot of pelvic floor pain, which has been the worst. You know that feeling when you have a charlie horse and you need to relax the muscle, but it hurts to relax it? That is what my pelvic floor feels like. It is so tight at times, I want to cry, and thinking about it makes it tighter. When I try to relax, I feel pressure, burning, and tingling. It is almost like I can feel my vaginal stitches when I relax, which is also uncomfortable.
I don’t know if it is a hormonal thing or the blood rushing to my vaginal stitches, but I have been feeling “in the mood” when I don’t want to be. It is very unpleasant, especially when nothing can be done about it! I have heard that this is normal, but I wasn’t expecting it. It usually happens at night, which may be part of the reason I can’t sleep.
Sleeping, even napping, has not been coming easy. I am so restless trying to get in a comfortable position and shutting my mind off from all the depressing things I think about. I am typically a good sleeper, so I am not happy with this. I will probably have to start taking something to help me sleep so I can get back to work next week.
Through all of the emotional and physical parts of my recovery, I remind myself that, just because the outside wounds are not large, doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of healing to do on the inside. I have had the majority of my reproductive organs removed. I have internal stitches and healing that needs to take place. Although I have been lucky so far to have had no negative effects, I still have a long way to go to normal.
Thank you to all of my Instagram friends, real life friends, and family who have checked in on me and sent me gifts and offered well wishes. All of that keeps me sane and on the right track. If there are any questions you have, please let me know in the comments or on social media at Being Grown Up.